i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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