This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
