nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
