I just cut my nipple shaving
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
