Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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