He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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