She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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