My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
