What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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