shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
