Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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