Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
