well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
