yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
