Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
