remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
where am i from again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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