Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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