My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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