my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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