i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
