I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
