this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
