You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize