spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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