Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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