I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
