why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
