paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this is an emotional support booty call
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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