I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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