Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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