nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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