Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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