he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
