Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
