I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
