I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
