I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
