how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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