i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
