he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
