A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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