im six kinds of drunk right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
