thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
