Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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