Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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