Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
