you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
