dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
