He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
