I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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