Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
