i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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