pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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