You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
