sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
