is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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