i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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