Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
