After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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