Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
