Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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