Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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