Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to jail i love you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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