What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
