FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
