Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
