I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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