remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is Oprah even human
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
