I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
