we have pet lesbian snakes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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