That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was like eating out sand paper
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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